Chapter Twenty-Three: The Final Countdown

When I began writing this post, I started with the words "Two fridays ago, I put my two

weeks notice in..." Well - I have been working at my new job for three weeks now. (The title was

much more appropriate when I started writing this post too.) So you can see how long it's taken

me to wrap this up. I guess I just can't seem to say goodbye to this blog...

When I told one of my supervisors of my leave, her response was "What about your blog?" And to be honest, with the exception of the people I work with, that's about the only reason I'd have to stick around. This is where all of you either sigh with relief or gasp in despair. I'd rather not hear the answer in fear of finding out that I've wasted time on this blog.

Things I'll Miss:

-Fellow Employees:

Some of the people I work with at the store are the most compassionate and selfless people I've ever met. Recently, I learned news that a great family friend was close to passing and I really wanted to drive to Michigan to see her. Making a very long story very short - I arrived to work where two of my coworkers had orchestrated a plan for me to go (hearing of my news only fifteen minutes before) - finding a way to cover all of my shifts for the following three days on short notice. This meant more hours for them - less hours at home with their families - on a moment's notice. If you've worked in any field similar to mine - or if you've worked at all - you know how rare this is.

-Regular Customers:

I'm not going to lie - some of the customers are freaks. Plain and simple. That's clear across the board in America and across the world. But the regulars that come in, the ones where I can actually predict their behavior and reactions - I'm going to miss that.... and I guess I'll miss the crazies too.

-Shrek II:

I have seen Shrek II more than any person has seen any movie. Ever. It's on repeat from the moment we open until the moment we close. I time my day using that movie. I start the feature film when I open. And three Shreks later, I can go on break. My entire view on time is completely warped for the rest of my life.

Things I Won't Miss:

-Coughing and other Disrespectful Behavior Toward Humankind:

While coughing regularly occurs all around the world - all the time - it happens most often in a drugstore. Naturally. I mean - we do sell medicine. So during flu season, sick people tend to flock toward the store like white on rice - or ugly on ape (as my father says). Oh and something I learned when I started: cashiers are not people. So they absolutely LOVE to be coughed on. Don't bother covering your mouth, or coughing over your shoulder. No need. We have plenty of employees ready to lend a hand, and even more money lying around at home so we can take as much time off as possible to recover from the heinous disease you have just thrust upon us.

-Holidays:

People are nasty and vicious at Christmas time. Unless you've worked retail - and I bet most of us have - it is hard to fathom how hateful people are during the holidays. Actually - we've all been shopping at Christmas time - so I'm going to go ahead and assume that all of us has encountered a grinch at Toys R Us one time or another. Remember the song "Christmas Shoes" - the one that makes you cry every time you hear it. The one about the cute little boy and his sick mother? And the kind old gent behind him who pays for the boy's shoes? Ain't gonna happen here, kiddo. In fact, you better watch that old fellar. You've got the last pair of shoes in the whole store and he'll beat you with a stick until you give them up.

While I might maybe remain 'on call' at CVS, I am really enjoying my new job at a credit union. So - until next time.....

Good luck and Godspeed.

Chapter Twenty-Two: Old MacDonald Had a Chicken

I realize that some of these stories seem too strange to be true (but I assure you - they are so very real). That's why I get evidence when at all possible....

An older man approached the register. "Have you seen my chicken?"

Oh my goodness. What is he about to whip out and show me? "Nope," I said continuing my work.

And that's when he pulled out this little number pictured above. A rubber chicken. He turned it's butt toward me and pushed an "egg" out, as he called it. He pushed it closer to my face to show me where the yolk was. Oh good. I was afraid I wasn't going to hear about the details.

And the first thing that came to my mind was my blog. So I took one for the team and acted impressed in order to ask for a picture. (To my twelve followers: You're welcome.) Do you know how much energy it takes to pretend that you're really impressed with a rubber chicken? A whole heaping of energy. That's how much. "Wow!" I exclaimed. "That is so neat! Can I take a picture?!"

He agreed. And when I told my brother, he told me I should feel guilty because, apparently, I was misleading this poor man. But I'm sure this guy was flattered, which leads me to this next question: What is up with old men and little gags and gimmicks? Do we not remember the inventor? I have a feeling these two guys are in a club together.

Chapter Twenty-One: A Whole Lot of Information I Didn't Want to Know

I'm pretty sure the title says it all...

But just incase it's not clear enough, go ahead and read on.

A woman entered the store looking for bottle liners to use to store sheeps' milk. As she was checking out, she proceeded to explain the size of the sheep's "teet", as she called it. She used her hands and everything.... Thanks, ma'am. "As big as a cow's" is what she said.

A few hours later, I found myself unable to function. I was feeling lightheaded and my face was flushed when a man approached the register. I didn't notice him at first, so he watched as I was talking to myself. That was awesome. When I finally noticed him, I ran to the register.

"Sorry!" I apologized.

"No problem. You okay?" he asked.

"Sure, I just feel lightheaded and woozy."

With a serious face and concerned tone, he asked "Are you pregnant?"

I said no so many times and so loud that my supervisor came running to the front because she thought we were getting robbed. If he only knew how impossible that was.

Then he proceeded to tell me all about his vasectomy. When he had it. Why he had it.....Thanks guy.

Chapter Twenty: The Inventor

We all know some old timer who makes up little anecdotes, jokes, or one-of-a-kind inventions.

I had the pleasure of meeting one the other day. I didn't even catch his name. But in the five minutes it took me to scan his pictures and save them on a disc, he had given me two little inventions, claiming that 'he had washers and dryers all over the nation.'

...We've all heard of that washer and dryer gimmick right? The clothespin with a metal washer on it....

Then he handed me another little number, an exercise for the elderly. It was packaged and everything... When I made up my best impressed face and told him how cool they were and tried to hand them back to him, he said they were mine to keep. Oh great. Sadly, that's not the worst thing someone has tried to give me at work... There's an old man that tries to kiss me every time he comes in. Needless to say, I am either behind the counter, far from his reach, or in the back room, hiding.

All of that being said, in honor of my 20th chapter (who knew I'd have this much material??), and against my better judgment, I am giving away these two inventions. And I am actually stealing this idea from my friend, Leah Rife, who has a great blog that you should check out. Except, Leah gives out cool things.... Unfortunately, I must maintain the tone of my blog and hand out junk.

So if you feel a part of these stories and want gifts from a real live crazy customer, leave a comment saying so...b/c quite frankly, I don't know what to do with them.

Chapter Nineteen: (WANTED) Personal Shopper

I am surprised that I don't see a regular ad in the local newspaper for a person seeking a personal shopper because most everyone that shops at (insert popular drugstore name) seems to need one.

As I have said multiple times, I have no problem helping people out - showing customers around the store, grabbing something for them in the pharmacy aisles, etc.

What I sometimes find to be a slight problem is the fact that some shoppers are confused, and believe I am their own personal cashier from the moment they walk in until the moment they leave.

i.e.

"Hello! How are you today?" I say as the customer enters.

"Fine. Where's the peanut butter?" says Customer.

"Aisle 21. Right ahead of you."

He walks directly to his right, because the grocery aisle is literally right when you walk in the door and almost impossible to miss.

Customer appears from the aisle a moment later. "Where's the coffee?"

"Right above the peanut butter," I reply.

He returns down aisle 21. And a few minutes later, he appears back in the center aisle.

By this time, I'm ringing up someone else's purchase. But Customer doesn't care. "Where's the coupon center?" he bellows out.

"Right straight ahead of you," I say back, trying not to scream directly in the face of the person at the register in front of me.

Two minutes later, Customer comes to the counter. "Where are the greeting cards? Can you show me?"

"Sure!" I reply. And we trek down the center aisle to the three large aisles of cards.

Next, I walk him across the aisle to the oral care section, to find the perfect toothbrush.

(Incase you've never had the privilege of meeting someone in need of a personal shopper - let me explain: It's like they're blind. They don't even attempt to look for the things on their list. They want the cashier to walk them around to each item. And they're in a hurry. So it's more like a scavenger hunt. Meanwhile, you have a line of ten people at the register.)

"Let me run up and page someone to help you so I can take care of the people at the register, okay?" I suggest, watching the growing crowd.

"Wait," he insists. "Just a few more. Where's the pop?"

And it continues. I wish I had a clone - or five.

{Author's Note}

....I must admit. The above was a collaboration of a a couple different stories, but the idea is always the same.

Chapter Eighteen: Honest Abe

A 50ish year old lady came in this afternoon around 5 and stood behind two customers in line.

After a few moments, she hollered to me from the back of the line. "Can I get some help getting a curling iron?"

I should explain - our curling irons, as well as a lot of other hair appliances, are locked up because white trash steal them... Okay - back to the story:

"Sure," I said. "Give me just a moment."

"Well, I was just hoping someone else could help me."

I had no idea why. But I'm assuming it's because she wanted to be helped ASAP. So whatever. "Alright. I'll page my supervisor," I said (even though I knew she was stuck behind a gazillion boxes in the back). I did so, and told her someone would be to aisle 6 shortly. I continued with the two customers in line. And while my second customer was looking for the right candy at the checkout, I looked up to see the curling iron customer standing in the center aisle near aisle 6. She had her arms folded and was glaring at me.

"I"ll be right back," I said to the quiet customer before me. I grabbed the key to the curling iron rack and sprinted to aisle 6. My supervisor got there right when I did. As I said before, she was stuck in the back room and got there as soon as she could.

"I'm sorry to make people wait," crazy lady said. "I just want this appliance."

I bit my tongue, because I do understand that people don't like to wait. Really. Who loves waiting around? But we're understaffed and I didn't want to go into that because quite frankly, that's not her fault and it's no excuse.

I unlocked the stand and took the curling iron. She held her hand out, expecting me to hand over the appliance.

I attempted to make this as easy as possible: "I'll have this at the register whenever you're ready."

She rolled her eyes. She wasn't yelling, but she definitely raised her voice. I know by the look on the customer's voice in the seasonal aisle as we passed by. "I work at a credit union! I am not going to steal a curling iron."

Okay - a couple things here, ma'am. What does that have to do with the price of wheat in China? Just because you are a teller at a credit union doesn't mean you won't steal. I'm sure you wouldn't. And really - I didn't mentally stamp the word "Thief" on her forehead when she entered the store. She really doesn't strike me as that kind of a person... and I told her so.

"Oh, I know. It's just corporate policy that I have to take it to register. I know how silly it sounds."

We approached the front (and she huffed and puffed the whole way there) and the lady who was searching for candy was standing at the register. She was very obviously scared of the crazy lady and offered her place in line.

"No," the crazy lady replied. "This is not a huge deal. It was never about waiting. I don't mind waiting for the curling iron. I just wanted some help."

By this point, I was shaking. Ask anybody who knows me even a little bit. I am terrified of confrontation. Absolutely terrified. So I was thrilled when my supervisor stepped in and took care of crazy lady's order on the next register.

As soon as she left, my supervisor turned to me (with no one else around) and said "Menopause." Must be. Let me tell you what - I would hate to be a member of the credit union she works at. Oh my stars...

How did the rest of the shift go, you ask?

Well - a crackhead brought in her four children and practically forced candy down their throats while they were hacking up a lung. There is so much more to this story that I don't want to get into... and she was there for only a few minutes. If my social worker friend, Kate, were still in town, I would have given her a call. She'd be there will bells on.... and a police squad.

Also - I was sent to pick up rock salt for the sidewalks, as we are preparing for a storm (or so we heard)... And I came back with water softener salt..... I don't want to talk about it.

Chapter Seventeen: Appreciation

Let's be honest: I have definitely done my fair share of complaining...

I have used this blog as a venue to vent my frustrations about interesting encounters with customers. And initially, this was not my plan. I had planned on this blog being primarily a source of humor. So I apologize.

This entry is my attempt for a purely uplifting story:

I started my 8AM day with coffee, not knowing it would be my life saver.

By 9AM, I had already planned on taking a nap at 2PM, when I got off work. Someone let the crazies loose, and they all came running to (insert popular drugstore name). They were cranky and anything that could go wrong, did. (...Okay. I said I would try to omit the complaints... & you need to hear the backstory anyway.)

By 2PM, I found out the second shift needed to be covered. I offered to take it, making it a fourteen hour work day.

By 8PM, I had developed six-ish rolls of film, restarted a digital photo order three times, unloaded umpteen boxes and stocked them onto shelves, and began my second passport order....

....I didn't think much of it. The customer, a woman in her twenties, was preparing for a trip and needed to take those terribly awkward pictures where you stand in front of a janky white screen and blankly stare at the stranger with the camera. I always feel bad for the person that needs passport pictures. I've been there. You can't smile. No glasses. You don't look anything like yourself.... Anyway - we made small talk for a few minutes while I printed her pictures. We talked about our upcoming out of country trips and even realized we had mutual friends. A few minutes later, after I rang up her order, another customer approached me with a question, so she left.

By 9PM, I was sitting in the middle of the alcohol aisle, where I was stocking shelves. It occurred to me that I had been on my feet for thirteen straight hours for the first time in... well, forever, and that may have been the reason I couldn't feel my feet. So I sat down for a good five minutes and contemplated my day.

By 930PM, I headed back to the front counter to close down the photo machines, and the same customer from an hour before came through the front doors.

"Did you forget something?" I asked.

"No," she responded. "I just wanted to come back and tell you that I really appreciated your help earlier. You were so nice."

I was shocked. I think I rattled off some form of gratitude. (I hope.) My energy levels had faded, as well as my capacity to remember what I'd been saying to customers...

Regardless, I was and still am so appreciative of her kind words. I failed to mention earlier that our weather forecast has been freezing rain all day. And the fact that she drove back to thank me is crazy - and inspiring. If I gain nothing else from this job (which is nearly impossible), I will remember to take the time to appreciate others - from family members to strangers.

By no means am I saying I did some crazy thing by taking a double shift today. It was crazy for me because I'm a wimp, and I wasn't planning on this day where everything that could go wrong, did. My boss works double shifts about every week or so. And so do the pharmacists. So it's not as if this isn't normal behavior at my workplace. And yes, of course I know that there are much more daunting jobs out there - tedious, dangerous, or painfully boring. I know I'm not a victim in this story - or in this job. Far from it. I am incredibly blessed...

Again, all I mean to say is that I am appreciative of appreciative people. In the midst of a crazy and unexpected day, I got a breath of fresh air.

To all the appreciative people in the world: I appreciate you.